Do you?
by dalymccord
Summary: „Do you still love me? Because that's what I've been wondering for a while now…"


A.N.: Hey guys! It's been a while since my first story and I felt like writing another story set in season 2 because there are so many possibilities to work this Dmitri drama in and I couldn't get this idea ot of my head.

Once again, please note that English is not my mother tongue and I didn't have a beta for this so any mistakes are mine. Happy reading!

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It was just like any other night. Elizabeth and Henry were laying in bed together. She was propped up, her back resting comfortably on her pillow, and was presumedly reading a book. Her reading glasses and hair blocked most of his view of her face. But Henry assumed that it must have been really intriguing because she hasn't said anything ever since she got into bed and grabbed the book from her nightstand.

Henry was just catching up on the news on the tv. Nothing interesting really. He just wanted to unwind after the exhausting day he had at the War College. He had taught _that_ class today. The class where the seat right in the front of him has not been occupied by anyone since that fateful day of the pick-up. The day that changed everything. That changed him.

He could still see the expression on his wife's face when she told what had happened to Dmitri. It was one that he hasn't seen before. Not to exaggerate or anything but he thought that that day would never come... He never imagined that she would look at him with so much sadness and possibly fear too. The fear of what his reaction would be.

It was also a first for her. Because she had never seen such disappointment in his eyes before, especially for something that he assumed she did or at least was a part of. He remembered that he couldn't stand to be in the same room as her and just wanted to get away to let his anger out, to think, to process the horrible information that he just received. But to be honest, how can you even process something like this? You just can't, at least not for some time. So the best thing that he came up with was the get on the first flight out of Switzerland and just isolate himself from the rest of the world, including his own wife. At least for a few hours, a few days maybe… or more likely for as long as he needed to.

Now, about a month later, Henry felt somewhat less tense and angry. The world doesn't stop spinning just because he was feeling utterly miserable. Life goes on, it just has to and that meant his as well. So he got up in the morning, went to work, came home, went to bed, slept and did that day after day.

Everything was starting to get back to normal or what could be considered normal after those events. But something didn't really get back on track as he would have liked it to, and that was his marriage. Things haven't exactly been rosy between the two of them. Communication was almost non-existent after she came home from Europe. Other than a few pleasantries when the kids were around and goodbyes when they left for work, there wasn't much talking happening. Same goes for any kind of affection. At first, there were very hesitant moves on her behalf like a peck on the cheek or her hand lightly squeezing his when she passed him. But that quickly died down after he didn't make any move to reciprocate. Right now, he couldn't even remember the last time that they have actually kissed. They lived in the same house and that was about it.

But how can they move forward when –

„Do you still love me?" she asked tentatively. Her voice was so very quiet, yet that made her question even more earth-shattering.

As soon as he heard Elizabeth ask that, he whipped his head around to look at her. Whatever he was thinking about was totally lost on him. He grabbed the remote behind his back and turned off the tv. Then he leaned forward to actually get a look of her face and what he saw just broke his heart.

Her eyelids were clenched together in a desperate attempt to stop the tears from flowing. Those unshed tears were now clumping her eyelashes. Her lips were pressed tightly together, her hands were fisting the sheets and her posture gave away how close she was to losing it. And then a heavy intake of air tore through the silence of their bedroom. That could only mean one thing.

 _Had she been crying this entire time? And I didn't notice it?_ Henry felt awful just at the thought of him being totally oblivious to the fact that his wife was trying to surpress her sobs…seemingly for a long time.

„Elizabeth. What do you- why?" Henry was literally lost for words at this point.

Tentatively, she turned her body in his direction, her head hanging and her eyes still shut. „Do you still love me? Because that's what I've been wondering about for a while now." She repeated, with a little more strength than the first time. But he could clearly sense how the dam was about to break.

Without a second thought he reached out to take her hand in his but she pulled away as soon as he felt him near her. She lifted her head and made eye contact with him. Henry could feel himself squirming under her gaze. Reading her used to be so easy but right now he just couldn't figure her out _… or was it because she wouldn't let him?_

„Elizabeth, what is going on? Why would you-?" but she interrupted him. „Just answer the question, Henry. Please." She just wanted to know, for her peace of mind as well as his.

Trying to touch her seemed to be upsetting her even more rather than offer comfort. Therefore Henry decided to scoot closer to his wife, still leaving enough space between their bodies.

Then in the most sincere tone he could muster he assured her „Of course, I do. Elizabeth, you're my wife." she nodded in acknowledgement.

„I got to be honest, Henry, nowadays it doesn't feel that way." She answered truthfully, her voice was sorrowful. „Right now, it feels like you can't stand to be in my presence… when sadly, there were times when all you wanted was to be with me." The crack in her voice caused the tears to well up, blurring her view, and slowly run down her cheeks. This image of her was the very definition of broken-hearted. It would have hurt less if someone put a knife through his heart. Seeing his usually so strong and confident wife crumble right before his eyes did him in. The anger and disappointment that resided in him faded away slowly. In this moment, even though it had to be the worst timing for this kind of epiphany, he realized that during all this time he wasn't the only one hurting. His wife suffered too.

He had always promised to never let anything hurt her. Never… Turns out, he didn't even think about the possibility of him being the cause of it.

Henry cupped her cheeks tenderly with his hands, his thumbs stroking gently over her soft skin and trying to wipe off her tears. Leaning closer he whispered „Elizabeth, please look at me." she was hesitant but complied after a few seconds. The vibrant and lively color of her eyes were gone, replaced by a darker hue. He looked at her with so much guilt but mostly love, trying his best to convey how important their marriage was to him, how important _she_ was to him.

„I'm sorry. I-I'm…sorry that I made you feel like this, unwanted. I mean it's true, I was mad and frustrated and…" Elizabeth could see he was struggling to articulate what he was feeling, that's why she spoke up.

„Are." She corrected while removing his hands from her face.

„What?" he saw her get up from the bed, now standing and looking down at him, her arms were crossed over her chest.

„You said you were mad and frustrated, as in past tense. But you _are_ still mad and frustrated. Even now, I can see how hard it is for you to talk to me. You still blame me for what happened, don't you?" Elizabeth raised her voice. Everything that's been bottled up for an entire month finally spilling over, and even if she had tried her hardest to contain it, it would've been futile.

„Well, let me tell you something, it wasn't my call to make. Conrad would've done it regardless of whatever counter-arguments I would've presented him with! I could've told him how morally wrong it was to negotiate with Maria Ostrov, who killed her own husband for god's sake, or how he's going to rot in hell for just giving up a young man's life like it meant nothing." Her eyes were blazing, she was full-on yelling at this point, not even thinking about giving him the chance to defend himself. Henry will finally listen to her side of the story.

„Henry, he's the President of the United States, the Leader of the Free World, he can do whatever he goddamn pleases! I may be the Secretary of State and I may be powerful to a certain extent but I can only advise him, not control him. I didn't kill him. But nevertheless, I have apologized to you over and over again, yet you haven't accepted any of my apologies nor did you make any move to come towards me. I'm so sorry that you got hurt. I really am. But what else do you want me to do? Because I can't go back in time to undo any of this, unfortunately…" her vision blurry again due to the tears „ I want to move past this and try to salvage us because I love you, Henry. But I-I can't do that if you're still holding me responsible for Dmitri's death."

Her little speech left her a bit breathless and him completely shocked and rooted to the spot on their bed, his eyes were wide-open. Something dawned on him.

It was quiet except for Elizabeth's breathing. Henry opened his mouth but no words were coming out, sighing deeply he covered his face with his hands. He didn't what was up with him. Usually it's really easy for him to find the right words but today was unlike any other day.

 _How will I get out of this mess? What can I possibly say to make this right? Where should I even start?_

There were so many questions but to none he knew the answer to. All the while Elizabeth was looking at him and shook her head angrily in defeat. She couldn't understand how he managed to stay silent after everything that she just told him? _Wasn't that worth some kind of reply?_

„Is it my voice now, too? ...You know what, just forget it." she knew that she could possibly initiate another fight with her query alone but she couldn't bring herself to care anymore. That's how hurt she really was.

„No. Elizabeth, I didn't say nor think that." he commented calmly, still not looking at her, still trying to come up with something meaningful, something to convince her.

„I wished that I believed you." with that said, she wiped off the remaining tears off with her sleeve, then grabbed her pillow and headed towards the door.

At the sounds of her footsteps, he lifted his head up and glanced at her retreating form. He frowned and made a move to get up.

„Wait, where are you going?" gesturing with his hands.

„I don't feel like sleeping in here with you tonight. I will sleep in the guest room." She replied, squeezing the pillow to her body, trying to create the feeling of a hug. It was something she desperately needed right now.

„You don't have to do that, Elizabeth. Stay and…" a deep sigh followed „let's talk and figure this out somehow." he suggested softly.

„I've already said my piece but you haven't… I've got nothing more to say, Henry." She said with finality and walked out the door.

Henry could hear the soft noises of her walking down the hall and closing the door in the guest room. He fell back onto the bed and stared at the ceiling, his eyes brimming with tears. But he didn't allow any of them to fall.

 _How do I fix this?_

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A.N.: Thank you so much for reading and I hoped you enjoyed it. Please let me know what you think by putting out a review, I would love to get some feedback on this, because like I said, some time has passed since I last published something so I'm kinda rusty.

Also if you were so kind to review, could you also comment on the length of this story? I'll probably ask that question everytime I write something but I really want to know if this is too long or not. You must have noticed that I struggle with keeping it short lol.


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